Have a little faith...

Something bad happened. In between writing the last post and writing this one, I admitted my transgressions. That I had run away from what God told me to do, and I had lied about what God told me. But that admission came to late for me to salvage the situation about which I had been praying. I missed my chance. I feel better that I finally came clean and told the truth, and that I am no longer lying to myself and others about God's response. But, at the end of the day, that opportunity to follow God's instructions appears to have been lost.

So, being a human, I asked again. How many times has *that* particular drama unfolded in the bible... I appealed for forgiveness and mercy for not listening. And not only for that, but for lying about what I heard. To me, that seems worse.

I asked for instructions. Now what? Now that the situation is not salvageable, because of what I did not do when You told me to do it, now what do I do?

Nothing.

Nothing was his response. Or rather, there was no response.

I have faith that His response to me initially was correct. It was my decision not to follow it. I have faith that His response to me now is just as correct. I've come clean, and I've been honest, and now, I have to keep doing what I am doing, healing and giving whatever testimony might matter, and continuing to have faith. Continue to listen. Learn from the past, grow, be a better person.

So, I opened up my readings today to see what I could learn. Noah? How does that apply? James, John, and Peter? Where does that fit in my sadness? And then I realized that these are all faith stories. God is giving lessons of faith in these stories. Noah had faith, and followed. James, John, Peter, all had faith and followed when called. Even the psalm reading clearly states, "trust in the Lord."

Is God's lack of response a punishment for my not doing His will? I see so many instances of incredible mercy in the bible for sinners, I can't believe it as such. People learn, and grow, and by God's mercy, we get the chance to get it right again, even if we fail the first time.

One thing I think I've learned about faith. Faith is not saying what you believe, it is believing what He says. Acting on that belief is the core expression of faith.